How I Support My Mind and Spirit
Part 2: Silence Somewhere
In the last year, I've been learning so much about my nervous system and how important its regulation is to my health and well being. I'm no expert, but I have done some personal trial and error, and a key element to feeling regulated is silence. Silence can be the difference between an activated, fight-or-flight state and a relaxed, rest-and-digest state. When I learned this, I asked myself: “How often am I awake and in silence?” My answer was a big fat never.
Me - one year ago
As a stay at home mom with three kids in school, I had plenty of alone time (errands, laundry, cooking, cleaning, exercising), but I never spent any of this time in silence. That would've felt unproductive and boring. I moved from news to instagram to email to podcasts to phone calls to shows to bed. That sounds insane but it was truly my life.
I had it all wrong, and God started to send me this message big time. He was putting something on my heart, and I spent months trying to figure it out. This is an excerpt from my journal last February, when pieces started to come together:
Any free time I have is totally overrun with outside influence. I have this goal to be more myself and pursue what's authentic to me, but really I'm just filling my quiet moments with noise. My “me time” is actually time with all these other people on all these other medias. I've justified it by saying, “Well, I have to be inspired by something” - but all I usually feel is overwhelmed, not refreshed, anxiety riddled, left out, or left behind.
Woof.
Then, I tried being quiet
I remember my first totally silent ride in the car. I might as well have been naked - that's how uncomfortable I felt. I had to stop myself multiple times from picking up the phone as I battled this muscle memory. Stoplight - scroll. Remember something - call someone. Bored - podcast. Even though I had the intention of being silent, my mind wanted the distractions. Yikes. I was in deep. If a ten minute car ride was a struggle, I had a lot of work to do. My body wanted to feel safe, but I'd confused distraction with safety.
Little by little
Once I got the car rides down, with the encouragement from a coach of mine, I moved onto silent walks. I would bring my phone and headphones, but make myself spend the first 10-15 minutes without any podcasts, music, or phonecalls. This was truly painful. I felt so exposed! Like is everyone looking at me? (Spoiler: no) Slowly I worked myself up to 30 minutes. It felt bizarre at first, but then I noticed something happening: I got more done during the day, I felt less anxious, and (most amazing to me) I felt more patience with my kids. This shocked me. I couldn't believe I felt such a meaningful difference after such a small change. It was so motivating.
Don’t knock it until you try it
When I first learned about silence as a way to support my nervous system, it sounded like a mumbo jumbo throwaway. Like, yeah ok, you enjoy that life where you have time to be quiet. I'm over here being a mom, wife, volunteer, team mom, friend, daughter, etc, and I don't have time to waste. I was SO wrong. Silence has allowed me the space to process feelings, be creative, think big picture, and problem solve. I feel more myself than I ever have, being more productive than I ever have, and I am so grateful that God put this information in my path when He did.
So, if I could encourage you, find silence somewhere.
Think through your day and the times when you are alone. Your car, the gym, on a walk, at lunch - even getting dressed and ready for the day. Are there times where you turn to distraction when you’re alone, where you can instead choose silence? I’ve warned you that it won’t feel good at first, but just trust me, stick with it.
